Yet another email. I really wish I knew the source--just to give them credit! This is hilarious!
They are not as dumb as some may think huh...
A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are 6-year-old first-graders, because the last one is a classic!
1. Don't change horses until they stop running.
2. Strike while the bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but How?
6. Don't bite the hand that looks dirty.
7. No news is impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new Math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust Me.
12. The pen is mightier than the pigs.
13. An idle mind is the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's pollution.
15. Happy the bride who gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is not much.
17. Two's company, three's the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and You have to blow your nose..
20. There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you See in the picture on the box
24. When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.
25. A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
26. Better late than Pregnant
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Two Guys From Chicago
From an email....
Two guys from Chicago, Illinois, die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming
themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, 'What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough
for you?'
The two guys reply, 'Well, you know, we're from Illinois, the land of ice and snow and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a bit, you know.'
The devil gets a little steamed up and he decides to fix the two guys…He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by
the room with the two guys from Chicago and finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer.
The devil is astonished. 'Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you seem to be enjoying yourselves.' The two Illinoisans reply, 'Well, ya know, we don't get too much warm weather up there in Chicago , we've just got to have a cookout when the weather is this nice.'
The devil is absolutely furious, he decides to turn all the heat in hell off. The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, the people are shivering so bad, they are unable to wail or moan. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the 2 Chicagoans.
He finds them back in their parkas, mittens and hats. They are jumping up and down and cheering. The devil was dumbfounded. 'I don't understand. When I turn the heat up, you're happy. Now it's freezing cold, and you're happy. What is wrong with you two?'
The Illinoisans look at the devil in surprise. 'Well, don't ya know -if hell froze over, that must mean one thing..........the CUBS won the WORLD SERIES!'
Two guys from Chicago, Illinois, die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming
themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, 'What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough
for you?'
The two guys reply, 'Well, you know, we're from Illinois, the land of ice and snow and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a bit, you know.'
The devil gets a little steamed up and he decides to fix the two guys…He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by
the room with the two guys from Chicago and finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer.
The devil is astonished. 'Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you seem to be enjoying yourselves.' The two Illinoisans reply, 'Well, ya know, we don't get too much warm weather up there in Chicago , we've just got to have a cookout when the weather is this nice.'
The devil is absolutely furious, he decides to turn all the heat in hell off. The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, the people are shivering so bad, they are unable to wail or moan. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the 2 Chicagoans.
He finds them back in their parkas, mittens and hats. They are jumping up and down and cheering. The devil was dumbfounded. 'I don't understand. When I turn the heat up, you're happy. Now it's freezing cold, and you're happy. What is wrong with you two?'
The Illinoisans look at the devil in surprise. 'Well, don't ya know -if hell froze over, that must mean one thing..........the CUBS won the WORLD SERIES!'
Sunday Paper
From an email....
For all of us who are seniors - for all of you who know seniors - and for all of you who will be seniors. It pays to be able to laugh about it when you are!
"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!"
The irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded, wanting to know where her Sunday edition was.
"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter,
"Well, shit... so that's why no one was at church today"
For all of us who are seniors - for all of you who know seniors - and for all of you who will be seniors. It pays to be able to laugh about it when you are!
"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!"
The irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded, wanting to know where her Sunday edition was.
"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter,
"Well, shit... so that's why no one was at church today"
Long time...
It's been a long time. I've been so BUSY! It feels like all I do is go to work and sleep. Get up, go to work and sleep. Tonight, I thought I'd blog. But now that I'm here, I don't have much to say. Go figure! I will share some emails with you then. Enjoy!
Go Cubs Go! (As a facebook friend said, "It should be Fukudome's birthday everyday!")
Go Cubs Go! (As a facebook friend said, "It should be Fukudome's birthday everyday!")
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